so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
