Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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