The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
