Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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