You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
