so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
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