its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
