Your tits are I can't wait for
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Randomize
