And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
