i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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