its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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