six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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