Whats the glycemic index on semen?
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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