i dont even know how to be here
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
