Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
