she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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