Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
i came on her dog
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Randomize
