theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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