Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Ketchup is God's man juice
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
