I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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