Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
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I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
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My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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