Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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