my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I could have mohawked her pubes.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
