i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Life without a bra equals bliss.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
