OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Randomize
