K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
