I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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