im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Randomize
