these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
