Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Pants 0. Shit 1.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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