so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
You took a bar mat shot.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
