Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
so let's talk penis.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
