In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
