Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
