I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
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