they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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