Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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