rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
