I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
