sorry about calling you the devil all night.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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