Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
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