I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
