Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
No subtext here. People are naked.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
