Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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