I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
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