mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Hippo gnu deer
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
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