If i could tip my vagina, i would.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
