I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
