how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
