you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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