how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize