some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
