I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
