I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
