A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
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