Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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