I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
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my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
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I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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