If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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