her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
