I'm really into asian looking animals
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
