i came on her dog
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
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