Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
