those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
