she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
