Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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