When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Randomize
