I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize