So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
