Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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