Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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