I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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