fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Randomize
