capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
