I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
