Screwed.edu
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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