Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
