Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
