I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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