Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Randomize
