I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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