I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Drake has all the answers
Randomize
