I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
