she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
