lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
