She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
