What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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